In a previous post I discussed why TV just can’t seem to accurately portray the mediation process. I mentioned the new reality program “Untying the Knot,” which follows an attorney as she works with couples in the throes of divorce. Although the show refers to her as “mediator,” the pilot showed her determining how assets would be split – precisely what does not happen in mediation.

I checked back in for episode 3. The producers have abandoned all pretense that the couple might have a say in the outcome. Gone were words like “recommend.” This time, the “mediator” made her ruling and the couple had to live with it.  She was judge, jury and executioner. Her word ruled.

Please. Call this process Arbitration Lite or Judge Vicki or Piggly Wiggly. Just don’t call it mediation.

This show does a serious disservice to those involved in or contemplating divorce, or who might benefit from mediation in other contexts. Although they may have heard of mediation, they’re likely not well-informed about what it is or how it differs from going to court. Watching this show only serves to mis-educate.

One of the greatest benefits of mediation is that parties maintain control of the process and the outcome. During stressful times like divorce or other serious conflict, people feel their lives are spinning out of control. Having the ability to guide one’s own destiny is crucial – yet highly elusive. Mediation provides that opportunity, as the parties systematically work through the division of assets, child custody arrangements, financial matters, and a myriad of other issues. Most significantly, the individuals – not a third party – are the ultimate decision-makers.

That’s what so insidious about this show. The network website asks: “Why let a judge decide your fate when this ‘Divorce Diva’ can cut through all the drama to determine who will get what?”   My response is:  Why allow anyone to decide your fate, when you can do it on your own terms?